Rick Fox doing a jive? I wasn’t at all confident that would be successful. The choreography – and the costumes – were really tacky (they danced to Tush by ZZ Top and Rick lifted Cheryl’s skirt to show she had TUSH printed on her, you know, tush), but the dancing was great. I was really surprised.
Florence Henderson seems very cool, but I feared for her quickstep. It was a bit dull, quite slow, and there were a couple of “comedy” elements that were rubbish, but it was nowhere near as bad as I imagined. And, my god, she’s great for 76. Really great.
Introducing Brandy, Tom quoted Bruno from last week: “I love the taste of brandy in the evening.” “A little creepy,” Tom said. “Just a touch.” That’s why I love Tom. And, as you know, I love Maks too. But I didn’t enjoy Maks and Brandy’s jive at all. More tacky costumes – Brandy was in a kind of school uniform thing (Bruno compared her to a harajuku girl) and Maks was dressed like Potsie – and the routine was quite boring with a really irritating hip hop bit in the middle. The most entertaining thing about them this week was their constant bickering.
Michael Bolton’s jive was… Well, first of all – tacky. (The word of the week!) They danced to Hound Dog and he started out in a kennel. He can’t dance. He barely tried. He also doesn’t seem to have rhythm, which is odd considering he’s a singer. It was awful. “It was a doggie mess of a jive,” Bruno said, adding that it was the worst jive in 11 seasons, which Len said was unfair. In the post-dance interview, Michael looked really angry. They scored 12. (12!)
“I’m sacrificing everything for the show,” said Audrina Patridge. Really? Everything? (What does she do?) Her quickstep was really great – it gave me the shivers part-way through. She made a few mistakes and lost her posture now and then, but in the main it was really good.
Backstage, I realised that Brooke is like a charisma-vacuum, which is really weird because she was so amazing when she was dancing, but when the dancers go backstage, all giddy and then she speaks and KILLS the atmosphere stone dead. Every time!
Following Jennifer Grey’s jive, I expected one of the judges to say, “Baby’s all grown up”, but I was disappointed. Not in her jive, though – her jive was amazing. It was faster with more difficult choreography than any of the other dances so far. And I had to go and look her up on Wikipedia because a) she mentioned having cancer in her neck and that DWTS had saved her life – before the show she went for a check-up to see if she was fit to do it and they found a tumour on her spine. b) Jamie Lee Curtis has been cheering her on both weeks – she’s her best friend and godmother to her child; and c) I recognised her husband. I thought he was probably in The West Wing. And I was right, she’s married to Clark Gregg. (He was an FBI agent in TWW. You probably know him from other stuff.)
“I’m here with guest ballroom commentator Sarah Palin who joins us from Alaska,” Tom said. I’d read that she was booed but you couldn’t hear it. All I heard was Palin saying, “Awesome!” Yeah. Awesome.
Oh I love, love, love Margaret Cho, who is going on one of those emotional journey things. I can’t really be objective about her dancing, because she reminds me of me (dancing-wise, I mean). She made quite a lot of mistakes, but when she did well, she looked great. She still looks very nervous though. She made me cry a little bit.
I also really love Kyle and, following the training video that made me laugh out loud, I had high hopes for his quickstep… and I LOVED it. His posture wasn’t so great, but again it was just joyful. I love watching him dance. So far? I want him to win. “You were flat-footed, your left arm was flying up and down, it lacked any style, but… I liked it,” said Len.
I rather loved Kurt Warner last week too. This week, his jive was fun, but it didn’t thrill me – it was a bit luke warm. But he’s cool, charming and charismatic and a bit on the sexy side too. I hope he stays in for a while.
“Last week I jumped off the stage like Superman,” said The Situation, “but then the judges made me feel like Superwoman.” And what’s wrong with Superwoman, eh, jackass? (Jackass? New favourite word.) He’s kind of gormless. He reminds me of someone like Screech from Saved by the Bell (remember that?), but clearly he thinks he’s, you know, all that. Oh and he can’t dance. “It was a series of unfortunate events,” said Len. (They scored 18, the same as Margaret Cho, which is ridiculous.)
They saved Bristol Palin til last and… hmm. Her quickstep was patchy. Some of it was great, but she didn’t really engage or perform. Even so, I found myself liking her. If I’d known nothing about her before this show, I would have found her really cute and charming (although she still has nothing to say in the post-dance interview. Noth. Ing.)
At the end of the show: Jennifer and Derek were top and Michael and Chelsie bottom. I thought Michael should go home because not only was he rubbish, his attitude wasn’t all that hot either. Failing him? The Situation.
Over the final titles, I heard “Who will go home? Find out in the elimination show next.” NEXT?! Last week the elimination show was on Friday night. This week? Immediately after. And it was on until 11.35, i.e. 35 minutes past my bedtime. I’m sorry, I just couldn’t do it, particular knowing that 98% of the show would be filler. So I went to bed and looked the loser up online this morning. It was Michael Bolton. He won’t be missed.