I love Dancing With the Stars so much. So much. For a while there, I thought I loved it even more than Strictly Come Dancing, but then I lost the channel it was on and missed a couple of seasons… But now it’s back and this year the line-up is GREAT. And it has lovely Tom Bergeron instead of (awful) Brucie. But I’m keeping an open mind…
Audrina Patridge was first out. I always thought her surname was Partridge. Apart from that I know nothing about her. She’s dancing with Tony and her ChaCha was really great.
I’d completely forgotten that two of the three judges are Strictly’s Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli (the third being Carrie Ann Inaba). I can’t remember who was backstage in previous seasons, but this time it’s Brooke Burke (who won the last season I watched) and she’s… not great.
Kurt Warner is an NFL MVP. I’m quite pleased I know what that means. He’s got seven kids. I wasn’t going to say much about him, but at the end of his (impressive!) Viennese Waltz, he went over to his wife in the audience and kissed her. Two of his young daughters were sitting either side of her and one of them (probably aged about 5) hopped off her chair, obviously expecting him to kiss her too. But he didn’t, he headed straight over for judging. And she had to hop back up on her chair again. It made me well up. I’m such a wuss.
Kyle Massey was one of the few contestants I hadn’t heard of, but apparently he’s Cory in Cory in the House, which I actually caught a bit of the other day (while Harry was waiting for Hannah Montana to start). Watching him Cha Cha (Cha) with Lacey Schwimmer, I had my first ‘oh my god, I love this show’ moment. He was so good. And he just looked completely joyful. The crowd went wild. Fab.
Rick Fox is a 6’7″ basketball player. He’s dancing with Cheryl Burke who is, inevitably, much shorter. Their Viennese Waltz didn’t have much Viennese Waltz in it, but it was okay.
I was really looking forward to seeing Margaret Cho. I really wanted her to be good. She looked absolutely petrified, much more frightened than any of the others so far and, to begin with, she gave me the shivers. She looked fierce. But then they obviously decided to go for a comedy routine and it was just terrible. It wasn’t funny enough to be funny and it just looked like bad dancing. Such a wasted opportunity. Bruno said it looked like something from The Last Airbender “And you know how that went down,” he said. Ha.
Next up – Maksim Chmerkovskiy! Oh sorry, I mean Brandi. (But seriously – Maksim! I love Maksim!) Maksim’s Viennese Waltz with Mel B is one of my Top 5 SCD/DWTS dances so I had high hopes. And it was great. Obviously not as good as that one since this was week 1, but really good. Although I have to admit I was mostly watching Maksim. He actually takes my breath away. I swoon. Yes, swoon. *swoons*
And here we have “Teen Activist, Bristol Palin”. They danced to Mama Told Me Not to Come and she started the dance dressed “conservatively” (i.e. like her mother) and then Mark pulled the outfit off. As Jon Stewart pointed out, her score was 666. Heh. “A couple of weeks ago, you were a receptionist in Alaska. How has your life changed?” Brooke asked. “It’s changed a lot,” Bristol said. And that was it. Everyone laughed, which wasn’t very nice. She’s clearly shy and doesn’t seem like the sharpest, but I’m willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. (I typed that with gritted teeth.)
Florence Henderson is 76 and so they’ve put her with Corky Ballas who I last saw partnering Cloris Leachman and being really rather inappropriate and, yes, creepy. She can’t dance. If she stays in, I fully expect Corky to choreograph lots of fake boob-grabbing and butt-fondling. Spew.
Michael Bolton. Not good. His partner basically dragged him around the floor and he looked rather bewildered. And his partner looks like Julianne Hough, but she isn’t Julianne Hough. She’s called Chelsea Hightower. Brooke asked him how much pressure he’s under because he’s also on tour. “A lot,” he said. “It’s hard.” So he was forced to do DWTS with a gun to the head then? No? Well stop your moaning then, fella.
Next up was someone called The Situation. From Jersey Shore. Not a clue. None. He seems like a dick. And he was rubbish. Len said “You’ve got the guns, but not the ammunition.” Bruno said, “You’re going to look like a jackass if you carry on like that.” Ha! (They each gave him 5. Craig R-H would’ve given him a 2. I love Craig.)
Jennifer Grey was described as “movie star” which is a bit of a stretch. She looks phenom, but nothing like Dirty Dancing Jennifer Grey. I’m so sad about the nose job. I miss her Baby face. She’s dancing with Derek ‘Mr Cole’ Hough, who is ace. They’d chosen These Arms of Mine from Dirty Dancing to dance to and then Jennifer got very emotional, missing Patrick Swayze. Her VW was, perhaps unsurprisingly, gorgeous. It made Carrie Ann cry.
They’ve put David Hasselhoff with Kym Johnson. Cheesefest. I don’t know how old he is, but I didn’t think he was as old as he seems, if that makes sense. Not his looks, but his body and the way he moves makes him look ancient. Like if I read he was 75, I’d think, “Wow, he’s quite good for 75.” But he’s not 75, is he? He can’t be. I’ll look it up. He’s 58. “David. It’s never too early to panic,” Len said, not unreasonably.
At the end of the first show, Jennifer was top and Margaret, The Situation and David were joint bottom. Which was about right. The results show is on tonight. Because I follow Tom Bergeron on Twitter, I know that someone the producers didn’t expect to go out goes out. I don’t know who, but he tweeted that they weren’t pleased because they thought whoever it is would be an audience draw. So that’s interesting. (Isn’t it?)